Thank you, Louis Armstrong.

So, I've been sitting in my room moping for the past few days about everything that's going wrong in my life. I've lost interest in school and work. I feel like I'm losing some of the most important people in my life. I used to have a plan--now I don't know what my future holds, and that scares me to death. I've made a lot of changes lately and was very optimistic in the beginning, but it now seems as though they are only complicating my life. I'm second guessing what I was once sure of, and have lost sight of my goals. I can't find reason to wake up in the morning and I cry myself to sleep at night.

Anyway, needless to say I've been in a bit of a rut. I was discussing this with my roommate (as she's been feeling down lately as well) when one of the quotes I have hung up on my wall fell to the ground. "Maybe it's a sign," I said jokingly. I picked it up and read:

"I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom, for me and for you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world"

Louis, you may not have solved all of my problems, and perhaps I'll be down again tomorrow... but you've certainly brightened up my evening. <3

Dear Billy Joel,

I need cheering up. GO.

Without me, his world will go on turning.

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you have nothing left? I'm having one of those.

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

Oh, Eponine. What a miserable existence. I feel for you now more than ever.

So much for losing the attitude.

Checked my myspace the other day, and as usual had a few messages from what I refer to as "creepers." One such creeper was a guy named "Eddie!" I rarely respond to these messages, unless they offend me in one way or another and I feel the need to start some shit. Anyway, Eddie's message was distasteful (suggesting he would like to "get with" me) but harmless, so I ignored it. A few days later I received another message from him. The next day, another.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EDDIE !Date: Oct 20, 2008 11:01 AM

dont mean to come off as a stalker....lolbut i cant give up so easy either....i liked what i saw and read on your page, i'd love to chat with you, and i'm pretty sure you would like me !!! lol :)write me back !!!eddie


To which I responded:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katie Marie Date: Oct 20, 2008 10:19 PM

Listen Eddie-You seem like a nice enough guy, but I'm not really interested. Sorry, and good luck. -Kathleen


Here is the conversation that followed.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EDDIE !Date: Oct 20, 2008 10:23 PM

thats kool if you're not interested ....but tell me why ..... lol
seriously.... :)



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katie Marie Date: Oct 20, 2008 11:10 PM

I'm not looking to meet people online, and the type of guy who looks for girls on the internet is not the type of guy I'd be interested in. Thanks anyway. Take care.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EDDIE !Date: Oct 20, 2008 11:15 PM

blahh !you're online just like i am....lol
i was browsing and i thought you where cute when i saw your pic....so i wrote you....its that simple....if you dont wanna talk to me thats fine....but i dont see why not.....lool

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katie MarieDate: Oct 21, 2008 2:23 AM

I'm not online "just like you are." I'm online conversing with my friends who I know in person, not "browsing" and chatting up people I find physically attractive. That's incredibly shallow, and I resent that you think I'd be interested in something like that. Also, "lol" is a ridiculous thing to say, especially when you have absolutely no reason to be "laughing out loud." That's why not. Good day.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EDDIE !Date: Oct 21, 2008 2:31 AM

"LOL" SHOWS EXPRESSION, AND THE FIRST THING YOU EVER NOTICE ABOUT A PERSON IS THERE LOOKS, WHERE EVER YOU MEET THE PERSON, WETHER ITS AT A BAR, A PARTY OR ONLINE...ITS NOT SHALLOW, ITS HUMAN NATURE....IT WAS REAL SIMPLE....I WAS ONLINE, I SAW YOUR PIC, I THOUGHT YOU WHERE CUTE AND TRIED TO TALK TO YOU....I DONT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT...IF I SAW YOU SUMPLCE WHILE I WAS OUT, I WOULD DO THE SAME.....HAVE AN OPEN MIND, IT WONT HURT TO TRY SUMTHING NEW...CHAT WITH ME !!! ""LOL""

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katie MarieDate: Oct 22, 2008 12:30 AM

Listen, Eddie. I tried to be nice about this. I am not interested in meeting people online. I have real friends in real life, and if I want to make new ones I will look for them in the real world. I have no reason to believe that I would be even remotely interested in you, so why should I consider this conversation? In short: I AM NOT INTERESTED. Move on. Thanks.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EDDIE !Date: Oct 22, 2008 12:46 AM

WELL, IF YOU ARE SO UNINTERESTED, WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE TIME TO WRITE ME?IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO ME, YOU WOULD HAVE JUST READ THE MESSAGE I SENT YOU, AND YOU WOULD HAVE DELETED IT.....YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM, AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I'VE ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE....YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE ONLINE WHERE I FOUND YOU.....I TOOK AN INTEREST IN WHAT YOU DISPLAYED IN A PUBLIC FORUM.....SO I WROTE YOU....DONT JUDGE ME !


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katie MarieDate: Oct 22, 2008 1:31 AM

I respond to you because when I ignore you, you continue messaging me. To be honest, I'm fascinated in why you persist. I've told you many times that I find you less than appealing, and yet you continue. You're right, I don't know what you've accomplished in life, but that is hardly my concern. You could be a millionaire and look like Brad Pitt and I STILL would not be interested. I WILL judge you because you sent me a message and opened yourself up for judgement. I have a right to my opinion, and mine is that you're uninteresting to me. Period.



Here is the last message "Eddie" sent to me. Enjoy.

not that you care but i kinda feel insulted with the what you've written me...i was trying to start a casual conversation that who know, may have led to more. but you wanna come off as a bitch, thats fine. i've accomplished more in my life time than you ever will, i didnt even realize how young you where.i've been to iraq 4 times, and afghanistan 2 times...6 combat deployments, and i've killed more men than you can count on your hands and toes ....i've gone 71 days wothout a shower, i've gone weeks without brushing my teeth. i've gone 6 days without food....i've been half way frozen to death in the cold, and almost cooked alive in the heat...and worst of all, i seen things that most people could not imagine....from a women being stoned to death to to the burnt remains of an infant child......


Unfortunately, Eddie blocked me before I had a chance to respond...which is probably for the better, considering I probably would've offended him further.

Eddie, you've accomplished more in your life than I ever will? I think that's a bit presumptuous, don't you? I am 19 years old, and have accomplished quite a bit for a girl my age. I don't intend on giving up anytime soon, so what exactly makes you think you're going further than I am? Honestly, I seriously doubt it.

I'm just going to go ahead and throw out there that in no way is going weeks without brushing your teeth an "accomplishment." Nor is killing more men than you can count. That is disgusting, and I'm appalled that anyone would want to brag about it. Please don't misunderstand: while I am completely against this war, I fully support our troops. I do not downplay the strength, both physical and mental, of our soldiers. Being proud to fight for our country is one thing: boasting about how many men you've killed is another. Grow up.

Tattoo

Went to Skin Kitchen today to consult with one of the tattoo artists. He's going to draw some ideas up for us early this week. I'm PUMPED.

Decided on a beautiful flower to go in front of "Imagine." Gladiolus= Strength of Character.

Wee Sing in Sillyville

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BEPt5gOHRI

I grew up on this movie. Jen and I were singing "Boom Boom, Ain't it Great to be Crazy" the other day and spent about an hour trying to figure out what it was from. Wee Sing in Sillyville. Rent it.

Update

Life: figured out.

Well, as figured out as it's been in a very long time. I've been looking for happiness in all the wrong places. I'm making a few changes.

I'm getting my attitude under control. I'm a smart girl; I feel very strongly about my ideals....and I like to express them. It's been brought to my attention that I can tend to come off as a bit condescending at times. While it's unintentional, it needs to stop. I've always considered myself to be incredibly open-minded and accepting, but it's become evident over the last couple of weeks that I don't outwardly express much respect for opinions that differ from my own. Reality check: I'm a liberal. I'm a feminist. I'm a philanthropist. I'm a pacifist. I'm an atheist. Not everyone shares my views.

I'm quitting the pharmacy program. I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, and too much of my motivation comes from the paycheck. I do believe that pharmacists make a difference in the world, but I want to do more. I'm going to choose a more open major and see where it takes me. Hopefully a lighter major will leave more time for me to focus on more important things.

I've stopped eating meat (except for fish). Did you know that discontinuing your consumption of meat reduces your contribution to global warming significantly more than switching to a hybrid car? This is far from the only reason I'm doing it, but it's one I hadn't considered until recently. Also, there's the whole "animals have feelings" argument. Sure, they seem appetizing, but if you found out people tasted good would you eat them too? It's disgusting, when I really think about it. Mom's not being terribly supportive, but she'll warm up to the idea. Thanksgiving will be interesting.

I've decided to start giving blood and/or plasma as regularly as possible. I've always wanted to, but I'm deathly afraid of needles. It occurred to me that those that need my blood are probably deathly afraid of death, which is much more legitimate. I might cry a little, but I'm going to overcome my fear, starting Saturday. Wish me luck.

I'm volunteering. Still in the process of picking a program. There's a women's and children's shelter in Des Moines for which I obtained an application last week that I'm seriously considering. Hoping to decide in the next week or so and get started. Jen and I are looking in to helping out in some relief efforts over spring break as well.


A co-worker of mine asked me a few weeks ago, "if you don't live for God, what do you live for?" There are SO many things that come to mind, but I'll say this for now: I live for people. I live for the betterment of tomorrow. I live for the chance that someday we might all live in peace, and love and help our fellow man with pure intention. I strongly believe that there is good in everyone...some of us just get caught up in what society tells us and forget what's really important. YOU are important. WE are important. I don't need a God to lay down rules of morality for me. I think I've got this one covered.

She'll ask for the truth, but she'll never believe you

That was so much less painful than I was expecting it to be.
What a relief. The LAST thing I need right now is more stress.

This weekend is suddenly much less busy. I've decided to spend it figuring out my life. Wish me luck.

"Fall Break"

Sushi station was closed this afternoon. Shit.

This break was....interesting, to say the least. It's been real kids, but it's time to get back to reality. I've got some big decisions to make in the next couple of weeks.

I'm super excited about the TrebleMakers. Beatles concert coming up--in spring, perhaps? Bobby Green is my HERO. He's been searching forEVER for an arrangement for me. Visited him today. Love it.

Looking forward more, spring break. I want to spend it doing something meaningful. Ideas?

New Major

I'm changing majors. Considering PR, then possibly law school in a few years. More later.

Dear blog,

Everything about today is terrible. Tomorrow, too.
The end.

Debates

McCain, prepare to be destroyed.

This feels wonderful.

I am inexplicably excited about my new project. Our new project.

I mentioned to Jen earlier this evening that I feel like something is missing in my life. I'm so busy...I've taken on so many tasks that I don't know if I can handle it sometimes...but something still doesn't feel right. I'd been thinking about this for a few weeks now, and told Jen that I'd like to start volunteering. Being Jen, she of course loved the idea, and said she'd actually been feeling the same way lately. We started brainstorming right away.

We're looking at homeless youth/women's shelters and nursing/retirement homes to start. We want to volunteer on a weekly basis, and are really excited at the prospect of organizing events at these homes. Our first idea is to hold a "senior prom" for the elderly folks. Dinner, fancy dresses, dancing, the whole nine yards. I'm thinking of having my a cappella group perform...we'd already talked about singing at a nursing home, and this would be a perfect excuse :)

In addition to regular volunteering at the women's shelter, we thought it would be fun to put on a show for them. Jen is a part of SWI (Students for Women's Issues) and they will be performing The Vagina Monologues at Drake second semester. We're thinking of bringing them to the shelter. The show is incredibly uplifting and empowering and would be so wonderful for these women to see.

I can't wait. Seriously. We're going to start calling around tomorrow. Let me know if you have any suggestions!!

Tattoo

I'm very seriously considering getting my first tattoo this year. Normally, I'm hesitant about this sort of thing--something so irreversible. Especially because many of the tattoos I see appear to be meaningless...purely for aesthetic enjoyment. Not my thing. If I choose to go through with it, it's going to be something I firmly believe in, and that will not change later in life.

My first option is to get something in memory of my father. But what? I would have to think long and hard about what exactly would best represent Dad. A work in progress.

Second is a tattoo a friend of the family got a few years back that I think it absolutely beautiful. On her wrist, she has the word "believe" over a gorgeous rose. She got it for my mother (Rose) who is battling breast cancer. Debbie is my mother's best friend, and I know she cares about her as much as I do. The cancer spread to Mom's bones a couple of years ago, and while she holds her head high, I know it's eating away at her. We've had our problems, but she is and always will be my hero. I love her with all my heart.

Third and most likely is my absolute favorite idea. My roommate and I have discussed getting the word "Imagine" together, and I can't think of anything that would better demonstrate my ideals. Observe (John Lennon):

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one


I can't explain what this song does to me, but I very strongly believe in every word of it. I dream of peace and a world shared among all people without boundries or war. When I meet others like Jen and me I'm reminded that as impossible as it may seem, this life that I imagine might someday be a reality, if we could only come together with love and pure intention. Call me crazy.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.